Harry and me

What happens when you try to take a no-makeup selfie with your dog? You get an incredibly wet ear.

This weekend, I relaxed. Just put it in total shutdown. I slept in until 9. I read a whole book. I didn't do any laundry. I barely cleaned the house. I walked Harry. I painted a little bit of the play set. I helped C-man buy a new baseball glove. And it was tremendous.

I'd become so mentally overloaded, and I think I was still fighting off a bug, too, that I couldn't think straight. It'd been a long time since I'd felt that out of sorts, so it was nice to be able to stop and pull it all back together.

And now, the week begins. Dress rehearsals for the play, crummy work, and baseball practices for C-man. I think I can do this.

Grateful for the weekend

I am exhausted. Drained. Mentally, physically, even emotionally. I never really recovered from last weekend's debacle of sickness, work was a drag, and then had extra long play rehearsals every night this week.

I am extra grateful that the weekend is here and we have no commitments. I'm going to take advantage of it to try to recharge. Not having a spring break to look forward to is really ruining my mojo...

Thursday Thirteen Things

1. Holy balls, I actually remembered that stupid line last night. "She went looking for Mrs. Danvers" HA! Did it again!
2. My bee smoker arrived. Now if my hives would just show up so I can paint them.
3. Man, these bee companies take forever to ship their stuff. My Amazon-enabled expectations are a little disappointed because Kentucky beekeepers don't work 24/7 shipping my stuff.
4. C-man's been working on his birthday thank you notes. I made a list of the presents and people, and left a set of cards. While I'm at play rehearsal, he writes them during TV commercials.
5. Bad spelling and all, I'm letting them stand as he does them because I think it's funnier that way. Plus, they're definitely his cards and his work effort and not mine or Beerman's.
6. C-man needs to pick the book he's going to donate to the school library for his birthday book. He can't decide. I'm going to assume we're picking some sports books before this is done.
7. Only 8 more days until I make my stage debut. Boy, I sure hope I don't screw this up.
8. I'm going to be really happy to have it done and over. It's been an interesting experience, but I just feel tired.
9. I don't have beekeeping class this weekend. There isn't another until later in April when we work in the apiary. Good thing I have my smoker all ready to go.
10. Beerman has been trying to find a 48" range that doesn't cost as much as the entire kitchen remodel. So far, little luck.
11. I think it's time to figure out just exactly how much this sucker is going to cost. Ugh.
12. I know I hate weather talk, but this cold and rain is getting oppressive. My SAD feels like it's in overdrive.
13. Is it the weekend yet?

She went looking for Mrs Danvers

I've been in play rehearsals for almost 5 weeks now. I know my lines fairly well. On occasion, I lose it entirely. Thankfully, the whole cast lost it entirely last night, which got quite funny. But last night aside, I'm doing fairly well with it all. Except for one line that, for the life of me, I just cannot get. It's a complete mental block. And it's ridiculous, because, "She went looking for Mrs. Danvers" is not complicated. Honestly, I've written it once, and you probably remember it. But every single time, I get to that spot, know it's my line to give, and my brain goes completely blank on what the words are. Sigh. 9 days to figure it out. Maybe I'll just write it on my hand.

She went looking for Mrs. Danvers
She went looking for Mrs. Danvers
She went looking for Mrs. Danvers
She went looking for Mrs. Danvers

No makeup selfie

The no makeup selfies are all the rage right now. Supposedly they're to raise awareness for breast cancer. I'm not sure how my tired, wrinkly face is going to help that cause. But here goes nothing, as they say. Maybe I shouldn't have taken it the weekend I had been sick...

Weekend Wrap-Up and Other Stuff

• So the violent sickness is gone. I'm still weak, but at least we know it's not ebola. It sure felt like it for a while, though!
• But then I got hives. Because I always get hives after a fever breaks. I'd forgotten that until I was in the middle of beekeeping class and wanted to rip my bra off because it was so irritating.
• I didn't.
• I lost a couple of games of Words With Friends. I'm blaming the ebola.
• My throat is hurty and itchy now. I really hope this isn't turning into some other nonsense.
• My play starts in 11 days. I really need to get well because it is almost go-time.
• My bees come on May 10th
• I'm way more excited about my bees.
• I don't think I'm cut out for community theater, but am trying to hold off full judgment until it's all done. So many are just so... dramatic.
• I missed two hair appointments - one because I'm a spaz, and the other because I'm sick. With play rehearsal every night, I have no idea when I'm going to get in again.
• Beerman went to get his cut, and the stylist remarked that at least someone in our house still gets their hair cut. (She was being funny) Sigh.
• C-man had his first A's baseball team practice. When I picked him up, his first words were, "That was FUN!" It made me so happy.
• Only 4 more days left of this work week.

That day I missed my kid's birthday

I was sick yesterday. Sick as I'd been in a long, long time. I could barely lift my head up off my pillow. Coincidentally, it was my kid's birthday. And I missed the whole damn thing. The present opening in the morning. (I think that happened on the bed, but I don't really remember), the drive to school with the cupcakes, the party at the soccer field, and the sleepover at the house. (Okay, maybe missing the sleepover wasn't such a bad thing.)

But here's the thing about turning 9 - you don't need your mother as much as she needs you for things like this. In the blink of an eye, he went from my snuggly, needy baby who refused to sleep to this nine year old boy who refuses to cut his hair.

Oh, dear boy. The whole world is ahead of you. And I think you already know you own it.

Nine

C-man turned nine today. Nine. Not that I really noticed, having slept through it all. I caught what he had the other day, and was up all night making sure that my body was "cleansed". Awful. Thank God, Beerman flew home last night, because I couldn't even go to my own kid's birthday party. Awful. So maybe tomorrow I'll be well enough to reminisce about the past nine years. But for now, I'm just hoping to sit upright.

Springy

C-man is back at school after a wretched day yesterday. Thank goodness, since his birthday is tomorrow. Now I'm praying that I don't get it. Happy Spring to us all.

Riff-Raff

• My Carniolan bees are ordered and ready for pickup on May 10th. They aren't the Italian variety I'd originally thought I'd get, but a tough Austrian variety a bit more suited to the cold who really like buckwheat.
• And really, why would I want sissy, laid back bees when I can have dark, hard-working, sting me lots bees? (Plus, Grandma thinks they're planting buckwheat nearby this year, so it could be a really good fit!)
• I created a logo for my honey hives. I hadn't considered it until Beerman brought it up, and then was on a mission to build one. It's getting printed now.
• My birthday list is full of beekeeping supplies. The first time it hasn't been all camera equipment in years.
• I have a lot of camera equipment.
• I had my first play rehearsal last night without using the script. I jumped in too quickly a couple of times, and forgot one line. But I thought that was pretty darned good for my first time "off-book", and something I'd really been worried about.
• I got my costume, too. Oh boy. I'm hoping the stage lights make it look better than it seemed in the high school cafeteria where I tried it on.
• C-man came to rehearsal with me because Beerman was in California. He thought it was great, which made me really proud. I like him seeing me do new things.
• Although this quest to try new things has got to slow down a little. I'm getting exhausted.
• Tonight, C-man has his cousin hanging with him. Tacos, XBox, and a cousin you worship. Could life get any better?
• Well, tomorrow is his first baseball practice, so yes.
• And Friday is his birthday. Seriously charmed life.
• I have nothing purchased and wrapped for him to open. (He already got his baseball cleats, and I've promised him a new fish) Amazon to the rescue!

Pretending it's warm

Everything around me is covered in a sheet of ice. An incredibly perilous situation, especially for Harry, if you aren't taking care to not fall. But I'm holding out hope for warmer days, closing my eyes and pretending the warm sun is summer sun.

I've also been pretending by ordering my bee hives. Grandma is going to let me keep them on the farm, which means some regular trips to the north. But it also means I can start my true planning - which started with ordering 2 hives. Whoot! Now to find the bees...

Well, I suppose I should go learn my lines.

Ahhhh...

I'm running myself ragged this month. It's my own fault, with the play and the beekeeping and the keeping up with life. At first, it was like an adrenalin high. Now it's starting to be 'What have I done?' Daylight savings coupled with not sleeping well (what's THAT about?)  hasn't helped.

So it was perfectly lovely to go home last night with no play rehearsal to go to, no after school activity to race to, and just go home, eat dinner, feed the fish, talk to my nephew (who was out of clean clothes), and watch some stupid TV. A couple more days of this and maybe those black circles under my eyes will go away. Maybe.

Imaginary Friends

Yesterday, I went to Chicago to meet up with two ladies whom I'd simultaneously never met and knew everything about. My "imaginary friends", if you will.

You see, when C-man was about 6 months old, I'd found a forum of like-minded mothers who weren't interested in letting their babies cry unconsoled in their cribs by themselves, supported compassion over intimidation, and were low and sleep and high on support of breastfeeding. Since then, the forum went away, but a Facebook group replaced it. It did more than replace it, really, because it became about each other living our lives and not just our problems or concerns about our children.

Almost 9 years later, these women are my friends. I have been with them through highs and lows, marital problems, vacations, children's growth spurts, school selections, Cub Scout events, illnesses, celebrations, children's ADD diagnoses, and anything and everything in between this thing called life.

While I joke about them being imaginary friends, they are real in every way except being in front of my face each day. More valuable even, in some respects, when I compare it to so many of my "close friends" who have moved away or moved on to other things in life and just found it too much effort to keep in touch unless I chose to reach out constantly. "Friends" whom I'd invested so much time in, so much heart in, who could disappointingly just move on without what seemed like a second thought.

And so it was a bit surreal, meeting these women for the very first time and feeling like they've been close to my heart for years. A bit unbelievable, when I walked into the Shedd Aquarium and saw them standing in the atrium with their children and my first thought was, "Hey, my friends are already here!" When I met their children, and already had a million questions to ask each of them because I knew so many of their likes and dislikes.

The most incredible to me of all was that I thought both of them were more beautiful than I'd ever seen in pictures. The smiles and laugh lines and laughs and warmth... it was so incredibly endearing, there was no way to describe it but long-term friendship.

So call them imaginary if you will. Call me crazy for having "not real" friends. Whatever. Because it was as real as I've ever had. And I'm incredibly thankful for the experience.

What a day!

Today was quite a day! I went to Chicago to meet up with some friends, which was awesome. Then I raced home to make it to my Pig #3's play. We celebrated by buying a Baskin-Robbins ice cream (it's a tradition for C-man post-concert, play, whatever school event is happening). And before that was even eaten, I kissed them goodbye and raced off to play practice.

Whew. What a day! A really, really great day. But wow. What a day!

But seriously - there is so much cuteness in these three little pigs, I could just eat them up!

Blame it on the weather

• Yesterday, I spent 2 hours outside yesterday playing catch and roof ball (on the part of the roof without snow) with C-man. It was amazing.
• He is such a happier kid without all the electronics pull. Not that he can never use them again, but it's interesting that he is recognizing the difference in himself and how he feels. A huge step.
• I finally told the priest we aren't doing next year's auction. It really was a back and forth debate in my head, and I feel a little guilty saying no. That said, I'm also incredibly relieved to not have that monkey on my back.
• Play rehearsals continue on. Last night, the director decided I should slap the ass of my "husband" in one scene. I still have no idea why I would do that, and it feels incredibly awkward. He thinks it shows sexual tension. I think it shows awkward aggression.
• I really need to learn my lines. I know a lot of them, but need to have the cues to come in on time and the confidence that I know them. This play thing is a lot of work for something hardly anyone will come see.
• I'm back to making my own yogurt, and it is amazing. Now if I can just have my own honey to put on top...
• Speaking of bees, I have a water source problem. I need a place to put them nearby water. Some sources say you can create a water garden to help. It's going to be my number one question this Saturday.
• I've been sleeping really poorly the last few days. I'm blaming the weather. It's all the weather's fault, after all.

Distancing myself

We took C-man off all electronic games for the week. He'd started getting really obsessed with them, to the point that he was starting some sneaky and lying behaviors we didn't appreciate. And since I recognize these behaviors because they so mimic my own when I'm in the middle of games like that, he's on a mini-break, (much to his displeasure).

But this has made me take a breath and consider what in my life I need to take a break from, to give myself some distance, for some greater perspective. That's a bit of what the food cleanse I did was about, although that was just terrible. (It did, however, clean up my skin beautifully - something I need to think about for future eating!)

I'm in the play and taking the beekeeping certification because I knew I needed to push myself into new things; Fill my life with interesting, positive things that I found fun. But that's really only one half of the equation. The second half is getting rid of the things that aren't as fun and positive, and taking care of that sacred space inside me called sanity.

As the warmer weather approaches, and the sun shows up a bit more, I need to take the time to get outside and breathe in the air around me. Breathe out the old, stale air, and breathe in the new, positive life. A little namaste, if you will.

Springing forward

I had my first 5 hour beekeeping certification class yesterday. I left class with an armful of catalogs and a head full of ideas on how to start this. I mean, let me be clear - I teach classes. I write classes. I manage 7 people who do this kind of stuff. The design of this class is something I'd NEVER let pass through to our employees - a giant binder with clip art pictures, a long lecture with little true interaction, and a u-shaped classroom.

But it didn't matter. I was riveted. I learned everything from the history of beekeeping to how bees have sex (really unfortunate for the drones, by the way), and it was awesome. I can't wait to go back next week. I don't remember the last time I was this excited about something. I couldn't sleep last night (pain related), and spent the entire night excitedly planning my hives.

If this is how things are after one day of class, what am I going to be like at the end of April? I think it's a fair amount of work but I think it's going to be amazing.

Now to figure out where to put the hives and not kill my bee-allergic husband...

Sunshiney Day

Oh my goodness, the weekend is here. Time to keep some bees, eat some Chinese food at the neighbor's, play some baseball, groom the dog, and learn my lines!

This week has GOT to be over, right?

Ash Tag

• My day started with the discussion of whether or not C-man could eat the last paczki for breakfast. It ended with me saying he could, but that it was Ash Wednesday and his conscience. Apparently I have turned into Guilt Trip Mom.
• He didn't eat it.
• I had breakfast and lunch with two separate friends. So far, this day is great.
• Next week, play rehearsals are supposed to be "off book", which means I have to have everything memorized. Oh crap.
• I also have to have a head shot and a bio. I'm submitting my selfie for the shot, and really considering writing a funny bio. After all, this is community theater we're talking about.
• I haven't responded to the priest about next year's auction. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to do it. This is tricky.
• I'm blaming the weather, but these weeks feel interminable lately.
• At least bee keeping class starts Saturday!

Honestly.

How is it not Friday yet?

So it's Monday again

• Apparently I need a headshot and a bio for this play.
• Do a selfie and credits for my experience as a dragon in 8th grade count?
• I'm checking with my work photographer to see if he can do something.
• I haven't responded to the priest about chairing next year's auction.
• I'm having a really strong internal debate that I feel I should step up and help out and really don't want to do anything all at the same time.
• According to the Oscars, necklaces are pretty much out.
• Beerman: "Who is Amy Adams?" Me: "You know, The Muppets, Julia Child..." Beerman: "Right! Talladega Nights!" Yes. Talledega Nights.
• This weekend was clearly way too quick. I want a do-over. Except this time with nothing to do but sleep.

Roped in

Last night was the church and school auction and dinner. It was a lovely time, and C-man got his hockey tickets with the gym teacher and I got a bluetooth Kohler showerhead. (Okay, I also got a few other items, like an Austrian cooking class, a birthday cake for C-man's upcoming birthday, C-man is going to his 3rd grade teacher's summer barbecue, and a fee-free year at the school.)

 But this morning, by 10 a.m., we got the official ask to chair the whole thing next year. By the head priest.

What about me screams chair of something like this? I already turned down Home and School and School Board. I mean, come on, I don't even like people! But as Beerman said, "Fr. Jerry asked? Oh shit. We're doing this, then." Sigh...