Defogging

Well 2011, you're here.  And my head is incredibly foggy.  Not just because of the antibiotics and other sundry of drugs that I'm on, and not because of all the drywall dust I've ingested lately, but because I'm not sure what I want this year to be about.  2010 was such a bust for all my goals and intentions, it was a very unfunny joke.  So coming up with a focused goal, when I'm feeling so scattered, is well, scattered.

That's why I'm skipping official and tangible goals, and going to have this year's resolutions surround the concepts of "Focus" and "Presence".  That's kind of new agey, I realize, but it's a real problem for me.  The medications I'm on make me scattered. I can no longer remember names and places and specific things.  The meds also make me depressed, which means I don't sleep, and when I do, it's that tortured sleep that doesn't help a whole lot.  Mix in the baseball camps, school things, and general daily life of groceries, bill paying, laundry, and work travel, and I get overwhelmed. On those days I can barely see beyond the pain, I come across as completely inefficient, scattered, and unwilling to pay attention to what's going on around me.  Which isn't true in intention, but true because I'm unable to focus.

So this week starts a no-wheat, no-dairy diet.  The plan I'm following calls for it to be one solid week, but I'm going to try to do it for at least two, since it takes that long to have any effect.  (I'm ignoring the no-coffee part of it.  I'll work on that later.)  And, of course, it means I need to move a bit more than I have been.  Because, well, I haven't been.  Not with the complete intention to lose weight, although that would be nice, too.  All this is in hopes that I'm able to focus better, feel a little less pain than I have been, and just have more energy to build Lego ships and play stuffed animal catapult.

I'm going to do a purge of all my unnecessary stuff.  My plan is to designate a room a month until I get the clutter purged.

I'm also going to purge the negative relationships and situations from my life.  I've had multiple people lie to me lately, and totally knew they were lying, but moved on and acted as if it didn't happen because it was too incomprehensible.  But it did, and I'm having a really hard time with the lies continuing to go on unacknowledged.  It won't happen again.  Neither will allowing people to be passive-aggressive toward me.  I teach whole communications classes on how to get out of these traps, and don't practice what I preach.  I'm going to change that.

I'm going to focus on my little family.  We don't have a strong support system outside of the 3 of us, and it's time to stop being annoyed about that and embrace the goodness and fun that we have.

We're going to travel this year, and I'm going to enjoy that thoroughly.

And most of all, I'm going to try to enjoy the moment while it's here.  Something I forgot to do too often in the muck of 2010.  Because 2011, you're going to be a fun one, whether you like it or not!