Respite

Since I got all those shots in my lower back, I've been able to take advantage of living with less pain, and do some things. And it's been just the little things - like sitting and watching the birds, or reading a book. It's been taking a walk around the neighborhood. It's been cleaning out space in the basement for C-man's 'cave'. But it's all those little things that did nothing but cause pain before, that add up to a lot. The peace of mind and ability to focus are both things have been incredible. Being almost comfortable in my own body is something I haven't felt in so long, I had forgotten that every second of every day isn't difficult for everyone else.

Because chronic pain is real. So, so real. And not just the pain itself, but the prison it creates. It's like living in a world where someone is always screaming in your ear, but you're the only one able to hear it. And then somehow, you're supposed to go about your days, acting like it isn't there. You're supposed to not flinch when you hear it. You're supposed to just sit still and listen and focus, lest you be accused of being disengaged. You're supposed to just be 'normal' like everyone else, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

I am not living pain-free right now. Far from it. But the fact that I've gotten some relief has given me such a better perspective on this past year and how bad the pain had really gotten. So many give in to the pain and choose other less helpful paths. I understand it. I really do. But for now, I'm just thankful to have a piece of a respite.