Back end

While I am definitely not one of those ever-optimists, I've never been a big one to dwell on the "Why me?" of life.  Life exists to teach us something; sometimes good things, sometimes crappy things.  This philosophy has helped me to not to get all dramatic during stressful situations, especially at work. And I've always been a firm believer that if you ask that fateful question, "How could this get any worse?" God will definitely take the time to show you.

While I'm still not asking "Why me?", I feel like I've got decisions coming out of my ears.  And when I look around with someone to talk to about them, to those who should be there with open arms, I realize that there are so few with whom I really care to even get into it.

Today, I'm having a bit of a pity party; feeling a bit like I'm getting the back end of things.  Every time I turn around, it seems I'm the afterthought.  I realize part of it is because I don't jump up and down and cause a lot of drama.  But the squeaky wheel gets the grease, right?  It's just that I have serious contempt for drama-creators, and would hate myself if I turned into one.

But my desire to stay under the radar doesn't change the fact that there are people who are supposed to be there for you when you need it.  So when it's shown to me over and over again that they really don't have the time or interest, it feels pretty crummy.  And what's been completely dumbfounding is the people who have actually stepped up to be there lately have been from totally unexpected places.

So I am kind of throwing in the towel on the emotional vampires in my life, regardless of title or years known.  I'm done dialing the phone; done sending the emails; done making sure other people get their time to vomit everything about their own lives while asking not one question about mine; and done listening about who said what at your work.  Because over and over, all it does is drain and totally disappoint me that I open my mouth to say something, and it gets cut off. And I'm absolutely and totally done listening to you ask me to "give someone a hug" for you.  Because let's face it, if it really mattered to you, you'd find a way to do it your damn self.