October 30, 2013

Rat race

I've been in the rat race again. I have to figure out a way out. In the meantime, my hip is all shot up with some steroids, and I've got new prescription painkillers. Nothing like drugging myself through the days.
The Jingle Bell Walk is this weekend. You still have time to sign up or donate!

October 27, 2013

Happy Halloween!

Months of talking about it. Months of thinking about it. Months of planning all come down to this. The headless horseman rides again. (Or walks for hours around the neighborhood scoring full sized candy bars and cans of Coke.)

Happy Halloween!

October 26, 2013

Good things

A morning walk with my blissed out dog along the lake. Awesome.

October 24, 2013


The bad thing about spending too much time in an airport, besides the awful lady smacking her gum and talking too loudly on her phone with an obnoxious ring (I am going to New Jersey, apparently), is it gives me time to think. Ruminate. Time to look around at the life passing me by, time to be annoyed that an iTunes movie takes 4 hours to rent, and time to wonder what it is all about.

I have always been of the very strong opinion that work exists to let me live my life. I am to do a great job while I am there, but I have no interest in it defining me. It is a big reason why it drives me so crazy when you get the inane cocktail party, "What do you do?" banter. I mean, come on, what do I DO? I love my family. I love photography. I travel. I read. I conduct Beethoven in my car at high volume. That's what I do!

But I digress. I am in an airport. And it sucks. So much  of what I have to spend my time doing lately sucks. I know the pain I am experiencing gives me shit colored glasses to start with, but really - what the hell is the point of it all? Is making money a true end game? It can't be. Because it is so unfulfilling. So what? Don't get me wrong, making money is better than not making money, but it cannot be the sole purpose to wake up each day.

I really need a change. Like move to an Indian ashram and not speak for 3 months kind of change. But I don't want to punish my family to do it, so I am realistic. But I also cannot wake up this unhappy with what I need to "accomplish" each day.

I need a change.

October 23, 2013

So I've got that going for me

  • I still haven't heard about my MRI. But my doctor is in India this week. And I have an appointment with him next week. I'm guessing as long as it isn't terminal, I'll find out it's nothing then.
  • C-man has school photos today. Oh, how I hated school photos as a kid. I don't see the same angst in him. In fact, he was going to wear a Packers hat out of the house until I stopped him with a dire warning of hat hair.
  • Beerman still has a job. This is major cause for celebration and relief after some worrisome memos went out earlier this week.
  • Stupid work. I need to win the lottery. Guess that means I should play.
  • I'm flying to New Jersey tomorrow. I sort of asked to do it, because it's an amazing opportunity for this project I'm on. I'd just kind of hoped I'd get to go to New York or DC for that group, not NJ.
  • Hampton Inn and your glorious biscuits and gravy, here I come.
  • My life is so glamorous.
  • Speaking of glamorous, I'm undeniably sick. My voice is raspy, my throat hurts, my head hurts, and I've got that gross pallor about me. Definitely not awesome.

October 22, 2013

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was too busy to lift the toilet seat or to flush. After all, there were things to do. XBoxes to play. Pictures to draw. Footballs to throw.

Then one day, this little boy's mother got totally disgusted and grossed out when she sat down on a wet seat. So the little boy's father said, "This weekend, you're going to help your mom clean the toilets until you can remember to lift the seat and flush."

Later that evening, the mom walked into her bedroom to find a note on her bed.

And she laughed and laughed and laughed.


October 19, 2013

Game On

It's Saturday, so it's football day. This kid loves his football so much, it is really fun to watch him play. They tied today, which at this age, is as good as a win.

Tonight, luckily for us, C-man got invited to a sleepover. Since Beerman and I are feeling less than ideal, we're going to take this opportunity to grow into the couch while watching bad movies. Less than romantic, I know, but totally perfect for a night like this.

October 18, 2013

Weekend ho

I've been feeling sketchy, Beerman has been sick, and I think we're all just tired. C-man has football tomorrow, and we have First Stage tickets to Shrek on Sunday. And beyond that, I'm not doing nothin' this weekend. If I felt better, I'd be giddy about the planned date with my couch.

Bad movies, here I come.

October 17, 2013


I know I complain about the pain often here, but I rarely mention it to the outside world. Part of me wants everyone to know that while they're worried about some nonsense and chit-chatting the time away in a meeting, I am screaming in agony in my head. "Just shut up and do what we need to so I can get up and move around!" has passed through my mind over a million times.

Because most of me just wants to be normal, even though I'm decidedly not. The pain affects my work performance. It affects how clearly I can think about something else, how quickly I can recall facts not pain-related, and how enthusiastic about the other stuff going on that I'm perceived to be. I know I'm judged if the inflection in my voice isn't just right. And lately, it rarely is.

It really hit me the other day when someone whom I work with, who has rheumatoid arthritis, was accused of being the dreaded corporate-speak "disengaged" after the meeting. I stepped in to say, "Please do not mistake pain for disengagement." Because I saw that look in her eyes - the one of impatience and fear that the meeting was going to go on too long and she wasn't going to be able to take it. The arms that didn't reach out to grab the papers passed around, but allowed someone to hand them to her. And the tired look in her skin.

While I don't hide that I have arthritis, I hardly ever truly explain it to people. I'm never quite sure how I can do it justice without sounding as if I'm asking for their pity? And even when people do know and ask, if they have no frame of reference to compare it to, how do I make sense of it for them?

Lately, this hip has been awful. The pain so bad that it makes me nauseous. I cannot sit, stand, or sleep without thinking about it. Concentrating on something other than the pain is exhausting. And the pain is exhausting. So I am more than exhausted.

What's the point of all this? I don't know. I just know I hurt. And I'm tired. And I just want to stop pretending like it is all okay.

October 16, 2013

Oh, you know, just a random stream of consciousness

  • Beerman is home after his week away being Captain Beer Judge in Denver.
  • He's sick.
  • It's like an annual thing now. I'm just hoping this time it doesn't drag until March.
  • C-man has school pictures next week.
  • He wants to wear purple. Again.
  • It's like the color orange all over again.
  • I have an MRI on my hip today.
  • I don't worry about these things until I have a test for them. Then I start to get anxious.
  • I just want to be able to walk.
  • Or sit.
  • Sleeping would be nice too, I guess.
  • I've been doing a daily plank thing with some friends. Every day of the month you progressively add more time.
  • We're at a daily 2 minutes right now, and I'm still doing okay.
  • I need a new fall wardrobe. I hate to shop for new clothes as fat as I am right now.
  • Maybe if they fix this hip, I can fix the fat.
  • Maybe.

October 15, 2013

Perfectly football

Last night, C-man played his annual game under the lights at the local high school field. The child continues to love football in a pretty scary way. The coach is a high school kid, and he's only playing them as offense or defense. I'm not a fan of single positions for only 3rd and 4th graders, and because in some respects he has it very wrong. But C-man is having fun regardless. Last night, he made a few plays, missed a few plays, and we froze watching him. Perfect football.

October 14, 2013

4 more days until Friday

  • Cman had his last Fall baseball game yesterday. It was at 1. We showed up at 3, which is the normal game time. Oops. I guess I should have asked for a schedule.
  • He still played at 3. The good news is Fall Ball is super casual, and another team let him play with them.
  • It was also good because Beerman came straight from the airport to the game, and got to watch him play.
  • So I wasn't the worst mother of the year after all. Always nice to know.
  • Cman walked every single time he was up to bat these past 6 weeks. Well, except for the times he got hit.
  • The kid really has to learn to take a swing at the ball.
  • It was really hard to see this past weekend end, we had so much fun.
  • It took about 30 minutes of being at work this morning for that happy bubble to pop. Ugh.
  • Tonight is Cman's Monday night football game played at the high school stadium. It's a really big deal.
  • I think football is this child's game.
  • I got a notice that I haven't scheduled all of my vacation. I have 4 unscheduled days. I'm going to start taking some long weekends!
  • After my trip to New Jersey next week, though. Seriously, NJ? I couldn't have gotten an NYC trip out of the deal? (Sorry Jersey) And when Beerman isn't in Memphis or wherever he's off to now.
  • Fall is a hectic travel time of the year at our house.
  • Anyhow, happy Monday to you. Only 4 more days until the weekend again!

October 10, 2013

3 days ahead

Last day of my work week. Thank God.

October 9, 2013

Whoo Whoot! It's Humpday!

Seriously, it's only Wednesday, and this week has kind of sucked. Nothing earth shattering, but come on, universe. Throw me a frickin' bone!

So as I am wont to do when crappy weeks happen, here are my favorite things so far:
  • C-man got a new haircut last night. Shaggy on top and super short on the sides and back. It is adorable. And just in time for school photos.
  • We've gotten thank you notes and emails from all our friends who attended the party last weekend. Our friends are awesome and considerate. We are truly blessed.
  • I realized that because we are members to Discovery World (Beerman gets it free for teaching a brewing class there), we get into the Chicago Science and Industry Museum free. Sweet!
  •  I got a brand new tin of cinnamon Altoids. Seriously, so good.
  • Tonight, we've got absolutely nothing to do but hang out and play video games. Sweet.

October 8, 2013

Getting crazy up in here

Art - Our humu humu nuka nuka apua'a (Picasso Triggerfish for short)

You know those days when you run around and run around and at the end don't know what you've accomplished? Yeah. I'm having one of those kinds of weeks.

October 7, 2013

It's Monday and stuff

  • My hip still hurts. A lot. I'm going in tomorrow morning for an x-ray and potential MRI.
  • I made my first official sale on etsy. It was to a very sweet family member, but hey, it was a sale. So now I'm all professional and stuff.
  • C-man starts math tutoring again tonight. He was all excited this morning. I wish I had his enthusiasm for math.
  • C-man has Friday and Monday off school. Since Beerman is off doing his beer judging thing, we are going to do our usual run to Chicago. I think he's finally old enough for the Science and Industry Museum.
  • And the Lego store, of course. Milwaukee has one, but it's just not as fun as riding the train to Chicago to go, apparently.
  • Flo the clown fish died. We don't really know why. This salt water tank thing is really requiring a lot of learning all kinds of new stuff. I'm hoping we can get a breeding pair or something for C-man to soften the blow a bit. But not until we figure out what was up with all that, of course.
  • My work computer is going about as slowly today as my old IBM PC Jr. did in 1984.
  • This weekend was a lot of fun, but not very relaxing. I wonder if anyone would notice if I napped a little at my desk.

October 6, 2013

Memorably over

After football on Saturday morning, we got to work on Fall Fest 2013. (C-man has found his niche as Clay Matthews, by the way. Holy terror on the field!) Beerman had done most of the cooking ahead of time, but the impending storm of doom was putting us against the clock to get the party tent up, all the tables and chairs where they needed to be, drinks and ice in the coolers, and the popcorn bagged up, and the BOUS (bacon of unusual size) ready, and the audio-visual stuff organized, and all the day-of goodness to get ready for a party. Not to mention, our nerves were frazzled because we weren't sure if we were going to end up not having a party, or worse, having one that then put people in danger.

But, we forged ahead.

And people came.

And it rained.

A lot.

And that was okay. Because the tent was dry, and the grog (apple brandy and cider with cinnamon and cloves all warmed up to a delicious concoction) was a giant hit.

We have a great group of friends. Everyone came with giant smiles and a great attitude about the weather. They all talked and laughed and ate and had a wonderful time. Meanwhile, the rain stopped, and the kids (wet from having played in the rain already) were inventing games in the backyard and having a great time until we got the movie ready.

36 very happy people, and a dog happy to do the cleanup.

And today, we had 3 very tired people and 1 tired dog cleaning up and putting away.

With a 2-hour baseball break, of course.

It was a lot of work, but it really was a great weekend of memories.

October 4, 2013

From the archives

The thing about old photos and videos is that sometimes, you find something worth looking at.

October 3, 2013

Thursday Thirteen

  1. I got my LLC paperwork yesterday. I even got little certificates to give to the owners. That made me laugh.
  2. Still haven't sold a single thing, but hey, what do I care?
  3. Our big Fall Fest party is Saturday.
  4. It's supposed to rain and be cold. We can deal with rain, but severe weather would be a deal breaker.
  5. I am devastated at the thought of having to cancel this.
  6. This week has been crazy at work, and I see no signs of it slowing down.
  7. I've had to be late to meetings just so I can go pee. That sucks.
  8. I need to stop multitasking so much. It's definitely making me stupider.
  9. Then again, it may be because I've doubled the dose of my arthritis medication.
  10. But as far as the pain and swelling goes, doubling the dose has helped me sleep, which is a huge plus.
  11. Then again, my hip is still hurting so bad, I can barely function. I know, I'm all picky and stuff.
  12. The Jingle Bell Run/Walk is coming up in case anyone wants to join. See the sidebar.
  13. I have a half day tomorrow to get ready for Fall Fest. Pray for no lightning!

October 1, 2013

Mr October

It's October, so it must be... Little League baseball season? Boy, this child loves his baseball.