Letter to the Delivery Man

Dear Mr. Delivery Man, Thank you for the kind visit again today. I'm sorry I missed you. The barometer you left was just what I wanted and needed to determine just when the pressure system starts to have an effect on my body. I know you delivered that Netflix movie - American Gangster - a while back, but I finally took the time to watch it this weekend while it was raining. While you delivered it speedily, you can take it back even faster. That movie was boring. In case you're considering watching it before you deliver it back, don't. Here's the deal. Guy dies. Driver takes over as heroin dealer. People get high. People die. Guy gets caught. Guy goes to prison. Snooze. Thank you for the kind visit yesterday. My child will only wear "baseball shorts". Despite all of his pants having to be knit sweatpant material, he does not like these types of shorts, and only likes the mesh, silky shorts, which he has now dubbed "baseball shorts". We had a meltdown earlier last week, so thanks for clearing that up. I really appreciated your bringing me my new cell phone. While paying for a cell phone plan doesn't really appeal to me, your overnight delivery of my phone, just in case I had to call someone immediately was quite thoughtful. Thanks for the kind visit earlier last week, delivering the tumeric and bromelaine supplements that some crazy research says can help with inflammation. I don't really believe it'll do anything, but knowing I can take one more bit of quackery makes me feel better anyhow. It's good to know you're always there when I need you, Mr. Delivery Man. I'm sure we'll be in touch again soon. Your most loyal fan