July 30, 2015


It seems like I should have happier things to say than I do. But I'm just tired. And when I saw that video of myself from my work, I discovered that I look even more tired on the outside than I thought I do. It's haunting me. Which means it's time to do something.

I have known for a while that I need to drug up or exercise or quit my job or do something drastic. But those things take inertia. And I seem to be severely lacking in the inertia category these days. I've been working out and trying to eat better, but it isn't enough of either to make a difference. And since I've divorced my rheumatologist, the only drugs I take are to sleep or reduce the pain.

Thinking about it is exhausting, which makes it a vicious circle. But, at some point, I need to just say enough and do something different. I keep thinking I'll wake up one day and things will be different. So far, that hasn't really worked out for me.

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