June 24, 2012

Trying not to feel too much pity for myself

This post sucks, so here is a cute face to look at, at least. (That is, if you can see it from under all that hair)

Today is injection day. And I am desperately in need of it. I went for a bike ride while the boys went to see C-man's friend play a baseball game (apparently we don't get enough baseball?), and it was so painful for the first 2 miles - kind of like forcing un-oiled gears to move, except it was my hips and knees. At least the sweaty heat helped me push through it a bit, as I feel a smidgen better.

The injection process is so bittersweet. I crave the injection because it makes me feel better but hate it, too, mostly because of the side effects. I'm losing some memory from it. I used to be so good at facts and names, and now it feels like they are just beyond my reach. And my ability to focus is rapidly declining, which affects everything. My stomach ulcers have been in full force, causing a cascade of other ailments.

So every time I go to take another shot out of the fridge to jam into my stomach, I question if it's worth it. But then I look around, and realize that even though I'm forgetful and have a hot poker in my belly, at least I can do stuff with my family. Someday they'll come out with a better solution, right?

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