March 14, 2012

I just want a coherent day

I'm  struggling with what to write today. Let me rephrase that. I'm struggling. Period. The inflammation has been so high in my body, I picture my brain filled with some sort of mushy goo, kind of like the green slime they used to dump on kids on that Nickelodeon show way back, that it's almost impossible to string coherent thoughts together.

And I try. Boy, do I try. Over and over, I try. I write for my livelihood. All day long. And I find myself getting nowhere. Fast. Normal things, typical decisions allude me right now. It's like when you can touch something with your fingertips, but not fully grasp it. Not that it would matter much, as I can barely grasp things right now anyway. I try to pay attention. I try to listen. And I find myself failing over and over. It's like listening underwater - you can hear something going on, but it doesn't quite get through.

I know it's the inflammation, because this has happened before. Once the inflammation subsides, I'm coherent again. It's just gone on for so long this time, that it's starting feeling desperate.

Geez. Some days I'm really quite cheery, aren't I?

1 comment:

Kim said...

I hope you feel better. :(