On the journey

I've always been a pretty competitive person. Okay, a really competitive person. As I've aged, it's become less-so, but it's definitely still there. I mean, I can't go to a yoga class, because while everyone else is all meditative and serene and doing their weird warrior breath thing, I'm looking around thinking, "I'm totally winning this. Look at how much more flexible my hamstrings are!" I know. Wrong attitude. But I just can't stop myself.

But lately, I've felt myself at some sort of strange cusp. Like I could feel it in my very core - that things were changing, improving. I couldn't tell if it was going to be an eruption or an unfolding, but I knew it was happening.

Last night, I auditioned for a local community theater part. It is something I've always wanted to do, and made it a new year's resolution this year. When I checked the auditions list, this theater group was close by, and didn't require singing. (I cannot sing) It felt like the universe was leading me to do this.

I was totally unsure of myself. It was something those cheesy life coaches call, "Out of my comfort zone". Since I don't like to do things I'm not good at, I was worried. I even considered not going until tonight (so I could then say I didn't want to go). But C-man encouraged me. (Mom, I've tried out for roles and didn't get them, but it is still fun!) Beerman encouraged me. (What do you mean you're nervous? How can that be? You're a ham, you'll be great!)

So I went. And it was interesting. I read parts for 3 solid hours. And then I was done. As I walked out, I realized I enjoyed myself. But more importantly, while I auditioned to actually get a part, I realized I will be okay not getting one either. It just felt really good to try something different and know that I could do it. The director and some other experienced actors were incredibly nice and complimented me, which means I wasn't a complete failure. And strangely, that, in itself, was oddly satisfying. (As was arriving home and having C-man spring out of bed to swap stories of our plays, because he started his own play practice as a Little Pig yesterday.)

I think I really am starting to learn how to look around and do different things and enjoy the process of it all. This doesn't mean I won't be comparing how much further I can fold over myself in Wednesday's barre class than my neighbor. It just means I'm finding new appreciation for this thing called life. And I like it. A lot.

P.S. I find out tonight if I get a part. Cross your fingers that I'm Jane, because it would really be fun!